On May 27, 2020, I received a phone call from my doctor. She had news for me that no one wants to get . . . Cancer. I had recently found a lump in my breast, went to get it checked out through ultrasound and mammogram, and was ordered to get a biopsy. The results came back as carcinoma in the breast and lymph nodes. Fear gripped me as I processed the information. The Word of God played melodically but soft in the back of my head, as the spirt of fear tried to choke it with Herculean hands. God had prepared me for this very moment. He had been preparing me since the day I walked up the altar and invited Him into my heart. Well, little did I know, He’d been preparing me before I was even born. He planted me in a Holy Spirit filled church; an anointed church; a church that believes in the miracles of the Living God. So with trembling hands I gripped my shield of faith . . . just like I was taught, through all those weeks of discipleship classes, but today but arms gave way as I watched the shield tumble to the ground. A door opened up and invited self-pity in—“Why me?” its banner.

I had just graduated law school, I had just failed the bar and was about to take it again. I have a 19-month old daughter.

But cancer doesn’t discriminate. It’s cruel, unyielding, and it downright sucks.

Next, loneliness. “Where are you God?” If I kept up this mental spiral soon, I’d been in the camp of doubt and bitterness toward God. I felt conviction and repented. “Lord, I am sorry for not trusting You.”

I made the phone calls. Family and close friends. A select few were incredibly supportive. Others filled my mind with unsolicited advice that hurt me more than it helped. Its ok, they didn’t do it with bad intention. Then, I learned I was not going to tell everyone—not until this was over. And I WILL have a testimony to share and will give all the glory to God.

I was told that chemo would kill me, but I don’t receive that in Jesus name. Was told to go plant-based, which I did but not because people were telling me, but, rather, because I made the decision. I was told I better call only a certain doctor because “I don’t wanna get the wrong one and cause unnecessary damages.” So while processing the awful news of getting cancer, I was getting bogged down with bucket fills of information, trying to sift through them all while maintaining my own sanity. Many times, my emotions took over. I lashed out at people. I isolated. I cried—a lot. I learned through it all that my medical decision is MY DECISION and no one else’s.

But, then in humility, I prayed. Because in making my decision I wanted to led by God and not by my flesh (ie. My emotions). Satan attacked me any way he could during this process. Sometimes, I wondered if deciding to do chemo was a lack of faith. Meanwhile, I wondered if I was qualified to lead groups of women at church while undergoing medical treatment. I wondered if I was a good mother and if I was ever going to become a lawyer.

But sometimes life stops you dead in your tracks. And even if this was an attack from hell, I KNOW that it would be used by God for good. I know that I would see God’s goodness in this experience. How, you might ask? (1) It is humbling me. I had been so distracted with bar prep and life (Me, me, me) that I often neglected time with God; (2) It is building my faith. Being forced to stand on the Word of God or go full-blown panic attack mode, I chose the former, although somedays I carried anxiety that was not mine; (3) It is strengthening the faith of those around me. Watching me go through this grueling process while still praising God, inspired other women to do the same. It kept others upbeat and positive that I would conquer this.

I now use my lawyering skills to build a case against the devil, himself. Every time thoughts of fear, death, or sickness try to burrow into my heart, I take out my double-edged sword, declaring, “IT IS WRITTEN,” just like Jesus did when tempted after His 40-day fast, when He was most vulnerable to temptation. I study the scriptures, I fill my mind with FAITH, I speak faith, I cut ties with anyone who spoke fear into me, I walk and talk like I was healed. I listen to the doctors, yes, but at the end of the day, I KNOW I will see the victory.

So I thank God. Yes, I thank Him that I have to go through cancer. Because I TRUST that He works for the GOOD of those who Love Him who are called according to His purpose. And I KNOW He knows the plans He has for me, Plans NOT TO HARM ME but to give me a HOPE And a FUTURE. So I confess that, I stand on that, I praise when I don’t feel like it, and pray like my life depends on it – because it does. Every situation is different and I don’t understand the mind of God because I am merely a woman here on earth. But I do know He is good, good in every season.

Thank You Jesus, I am a cancer survivor. Yes, even before I see a complete healing, I will declare I am healed BY FAITH.